Showing posts with label review. Show all posts
Showing posts with label review. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

MOVIE REVIEW; EVIL DEAD [2013]



Being a fan of the original, I was deeply concerned with how this film was going to turn out, because I knew that it was a remake, and I figured "why mess with something that's already really good?" But after seeing interviews with Bruce Campbell [who actually was helping make this film and said he was proud of the finished product], and seeing the trailers for this film- I decided I may as well see it, considering it's EvilDead, and it's actually starting to look really good.. Now, below I will share my thoughts on the film- Be aware, there is going to be spoilers, and like the blood content of the film, there's going to be a lot of it.

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First off, be aware that this is both a remake and a "secret sequel" [Director Fede Alvaraz claimed that this film, it's sequel, and the original EvilDead films will all merge in "Evil Dead 7"] and holy fuck does it do good. Everything about the film felt like what the originals should have been. [as said by Bruce Campbell] Remember all the cheesiness of the originals? Take that away, and you've got this version- there's almost no comedy involved, it's not a happy film, and there's blood.. loads of it!
The story is different than the original as well, but it seemed almost fitting [Rather than 4 friends going to a cabin for the weekend- which was the original; it's now 4 friends, two of which are siblings, go to their old family cabin to help one friend get over her Heroin addiction- story of the remake.] There was also a small backstory at the beginning of the film, which kind of explains the "first time" someone becomes a demon, [I should also mention that they're called "demons" now instead of "deadites"] but it make the mood more interesting. There was also a few scenes that are kind of throw backs to the originals as well- including chopping your whole damned arm off [as opposed to when Ash cut just his hand off in the original], the necklace Ash gives Linda in the first Evil Dead, and of course- the infamous tree rape sequence [below]

 
notice how much more disgusting and terrifying it looks now, compared to before?

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The gore was brilliantly done, there was some crazy scenes where one of the friends [as a deadite.. sorry, I mean 'demon'] actually goes so far as to cut her face until she looks like some fucked up version of the Joker from Batman, except worse! [GIF below]


If that's not enough for you, at one part one of the Possessed Demons [deadite] actually goes so far as to take a box cutter, and cut her tongue down the centre, and we see it all! [as seen below]


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The one thing that does need to stop however is the fact [not just this movie, although it's guilty of it as well] that I'm getting tired of demons that suddenly swear like crazy. Don't get me wrong, it's fine to swear once in a while, but if the character who's possessed doesn't swear before being possessed; why the hell after? It's just a small pet peeve of mine.

So I gotta say, it's one hell of a film, it's a brutal take on a classic, and even though I don't say it often- I actually enjoyed this remake. It's everything the originals should have been- unless like me, you like the cheesiness factor.. The last thing I'm going to leave you with is that if you are going to see it, or even if you have already- stay until after all the credits- because [MAJOR spoiler alert] even though it's only for 5 seconds, Bruce Campbell does show up- he looks at the camera, and says "groovy!" which in my opinion, makes the film complete.. If you're a fan of the originals, or even if you just want a bloody good time, I fully recommend this flick- cause holy fuck.. they did good.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

NEW movie review; the film? Oldboy [2005]

 

I was going to wait to do this review tomorrow [considering it's nearly midnight, and I gotta be up for 8:15am tomorrow, school starts at 10] but it can't wait; Oldboy is one of those films that needed to be reviewed as I finished it. [quite literally, I just finished it] What can I say about this film? One thing.. holy fuck. I promise, that's a good thing. So let's get on with this review, shall we?
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Due to the nature of the film, I naturally didn't want Stephanie watching as well. So with her at her brother's place for the next 2 days, I figure this is my chance to watch the films that she has no interest in. So like I said, it's hard to choose words to describe this film. I feel that 'HOLY FUCK..' sums it up pretty good. But that's because it's really all I can really say right now. [I keep thinking of the film] The thought [and the acting] that went into this film is just so so so extreme, and at every turn, my jaw hurt from being on the floor. [or in my case, the bed] Oh yeah, did I mention our friend Oh Dae-su [the main character] actually eats a live squid? [don't say I didn't warn you.]


 [yeeeeeah, that's kinda gross, bro.]
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The ending actually kinda bugged me at first [SPOILER; the fact that he was locked up for 15 years for THAT?!] but as the ending delved deeper, and we find out who Mi-do truly is.. I couldn't help but be impressed. [grossed out, but impressed] I can safely say of all the revenge films I enjoy, this one is certainly up near the top of the list; cause it's fucking beautiful.. and it damn well knows it, the story telling, the acting, everything.. I'm officially finding myself I'm still in awe of everything that I just witnessed with my own two eyes.. [this film officially makes me want to watch MORE Korean horror/thrillers; cause they're too fucking awesome in their own brutal way.] One last note; Although this movie is fucking weird, creepy, amazing, and all sorts of other adjectives I could choose from, I strongly recommend it.. y'know, if you've got the stomach for it. CHEERS !

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

[*FINALLY got around to seeing it;] New movie review; The Hobbit [2012]

First off, I'd like to apologize for not have written a new movie review in a very long time; I can honestly say it's been awhile since I've seen a new movie [that I've actually enjoyed enough] and at times, I didn't know which new ones I should watch; [Be aware, this is a hint for you readers to send me suggestions*]  However, the other day, [2 days ago to be precise] I didn't have work, and neither did Stephanie; so we took it upon ourselves to finally go see 'The Hobbit; An Unexpected Adventure'

 

Oh, The Hobbit.. I've been waiting for a film adaptation of you since 2006, when The Return Of The King had just made it to theaters, [holy fuck, that would have been when I was 14- *sudden realization] I was fucking stoked to see you on the big screen, so much infact, that I actually dug out my [now lost- making me sad face] old copy of The Hobbit, and re-read the whole damn book in less that 2 weeks to prepare myself for your release in the next year or two.. except you didn't release in the next year or two; it took you 7 years [I forgive this now, because I read somewhere they had been working on it for 4 years.] to finally come out to the silver screens.. However-
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Holy fuck, were you ever worth the wait! The scenery, the small hints back to the book, the dancing, the laughs, the tears, & back home to the Middle Earth we all love so very much..

'I'm going on an adventure!'
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Seriously though, everything about this film made me happier than I ever expected, Martin Freeman plays an amazing Young Bilbo and Andy Serkis as Gollum was impressive as always. I only have one complaint however; Although understandable, Peter Jackson intends on making this into a trilogy; just like his previous masterpieces that are The Lord Of The Rings.. my complaint is as follows- I don't want to have to wait another half a year to see 'The Desolation Of Smaug'. [which is to be released into theaters in November 2013] Even after that one comes out; we get to wait another year for 'There & Back Again'  I'm just hoping I fall in love with the next two movie chapters, as much as I did this first part- because it came off strong- in a good way, of course..
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What did you guys think? Did you find yourself to enjoy The Hobbit as much as I did? Let me know in the comments, Facebook, or anywhere I'm online found below!

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& as always, if you want to 'like' the fan page for this blog on Facebook; you can do so here , if you want to follow me on Twitter, click here . If you have a Tumblr, follow me here. I'm also on Myspace which you can find my profile page here . CHEERS ! 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Movie Review: ParaNorman [2012]



So if you have me on Facebook or Twitter [or for some of you; both], you'd be already aware that this review was inevitable.. So here I am, sharing my thoughts on something I'd call one of my new favorite stop motion animation movies: ParaNorman.
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According to IMDb, The movie ParaNorman is [in short] about 'A misunderstood boy who can speak with the dead, takes on ghosts, zombies and grown-ups to save his town from a centuries-old curse.' Now as with all reviews [or atleast, MY reviews], there is to be spoilers coming up; so if you haven't seen the movie yet [it is fairly new] do not read further, unless of course, you're okay with spoilers..
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The movie begins with a zombie eating a woman, and you can clearly tell that this is a scene from a movie within the movie [inception much?] and we learn of Norman watching an old horror movie with his grandmother, who turns out to be deceased. [below- his grandmother talking]
Through out the movie, we learn that Norman can actually speak to ghosts and for the first 80 percent of the movie, everyone finds that he's looking for attention, and that he's different. [There are even scenes where people have written 'FREAK' on his locker] Now there is one kid- Neil, who actually becomes his friend [Left to Right: Neil, Norman]
I found through out the movie, he was probably one of the best characters. I find that he has a positive outlook on life, and actually helps Norman out. [Neil was bullied as well, but told Norman that you can't stop that kind of thing..] I found through out the movie, there was a lot of fun characters [including a gay one, which we don't learn of his sexuality until the end] and the animation was superb. One character in particular stuck out; Courtney. Courtney is Norman's sister, and she is the stereotypical blonde we hear/read jokes about. Let me make it easier for you;
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Now throughout the movie, every time I heard Courtney speak, she sounded familiar; like I knew the voice actress.. It wasn't til the end credits, that I figured it out.. It was none other than Anna Kendrick.. y'know: She was in Scott Pilgrim VS The World- as Scott's sister ! Here, let me show you a picture.
http://www.interviewmagazine.com/files/2010/08/11/img-kendrick-2-_10133212143.jpg
[Not even close to being a stereotypical blonde, and obviously a lot more attractive than her character counter-part..]
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When it comes to some of the things I liked about ParaNorman, there was a lot I could mention. For starters, I like the fact that it was animated [I can't imagine that movie being live action..] and that there were references to horror movies.

I mean look at all those posters ! [some of them, if you look carefully enough, were drawn by Norman] But I think one of the best parts about this film is how it's supposed to be a children's movie, yet there is so many references to adult themes, such as [as mentioned before] a gay character, violence, a lot of bullying, etc. The one thing that stood out is that there is a feeling of Chicken Little in the sense that every time Norman speaks to a ghost, everyone looks at him like he's nuts. [Okay, bad example] Yet, when the world actually starts to tear apart, and he learns of the zombies coming; he starts yelling that 'The dead are coming!' and everyone looks at him weird again, his Dad actually gives him trouble on the way home from school telling him he's well ashamed of his son- [the whole car driving discussion happened in Chicken Little too..], but apart from those two little things I found irritating, I actually highly recommend this movie to everyone who enjoys the occasional zombie flick- cause this one was done well, on that note; I leave you with a few pictures from the movie. . CHEERS


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Tuesday, June 12, 2012

New Movie Review: Trick 'r Treat [2007]


Trick 'r Treat
is one of my all time favorite horror movies. For a movie that was hardly known around the horror community, I bought this movie on a whim. I really didn’t know what it was, who the little bagged creature on the cover was or what to expect when I finally watch it. I watched it with Stephanie as soon as I got home, and I gotta say..easily the best movie to watch on October 31. Everything about the movie makes it a joy to watch, especially on Halloween:
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[Spoiler Alert: If you haven’t seen the movie DON’T scroll down.]


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Everything from the werewolf sisters, SAM [who is the 'bagged creature' on the front of the DVD], The Jack-O-Lantern story with Rhonda, a murderous school principle & especially, who could forget the victims on the school bus who were killed all because of their selfish parents? and everything in between… It’s one of my all time favorite stories & I could watch it at anytime, and still find something new..
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[Did I mention Anna Paquin is in the movie??]
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I love the idea of 4 or 5 stories being intertwined into one larger story [if you look carefully enough, each of the other characters show up in other stories.] It also kind of offends me to know this movie was a straight to DVD release. It was so well done, that I feel that it should have had a theatrical release [perhaps on Halloween?] Sadly, it's from 2007- s0 I doubt it will be released in theaters in 2012. [*overwhelming sadness ensues*] I love this movie.. hands down, it is one of the more fantastic horror movies to come out for us horror fans, and for those who love the genre, I fully recommend it. ♥ Below you will find a GIF from the movie, and yes.. it’s none other than SAM, which had to be done.. cause he's so goddamn cute!
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Here's a clip from the movie, showing Anna Paquin and her werewolf friends- playing 'hard to get'

[I'd like to apologize, after re-reading this post on the actual blog; Youtube wouldn't let me embed the video..just click on the link to Youtube to see it.. a new version of this video will be updated here soon, so you can actually watch it on the blog.]

Monday, May 28, 2012

NEW Movie Review: Pan's Labyrinth [2006]

One thing I noticed when talking to a new friend whom I met yesterday about horror movies is that I actually am a fairly large fan of foreign films. One such foreign film is Pan's Labyrinth. I actually saw this movie in theaters twice when it first came out.. primarily because I was late the first time around [I had paid to see 'Wild Hogs' but when I saw that this was in theaters, I naturally chose Pan's Labyrinth] I absolutely love the atmosphere within the film itself and the story behind it. Just knowing that [as the movie portrays] fantasy/make believe is a much better place then real life/reality. This film shows that sometimes, it's better to get lost in a fantasy world rather than live in reality.. If I had to choose a favorite character though, it would have to be 'Pan' or 'The Faun'. Just the way that Guillermo Del Toro had envisioned him [Del Toro is the director], and then made him come to life is very essence of a beautiful creature in my eyes. For those that aren't aware- Pan is the god of the Earth and the forests [according to myths and fairy tales] So naturally Guillermo Del Toro made Pan look exactly like he was part of the Earth. [see below for a picture of Pan from the movie]

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Now bear in mind, being a foreign film- it is subtitled. It's spoken in Spanish and the amazing part is all the actors that were in the movie, actually spoke Spanish as their first language.. Everyone except for The Faun. Pan was actually played by Doug Jones [who is American], whom you may know from other movies..even if you don't know it.

[This is Doug Jones- in case you weren't aware..]
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If you still don't recognize him, don't worry too much- not many people do. It's because Doug is actually known for wearing very obscure costumes when playing a part in a movie.. Here are some other examples of characters who Doug Jones has played in other movies, whether you've realized it or not.
The Pale Man
..definitely an odd character to say the least; He's also from Pan's Labyrinth
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The Angel Of Death- Hellboy2
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image
Abe Sapien- Hellboy 1 & 2
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Billy Butcherson- Hocus Pocus
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Needless to say, Doug Jones has played in multiple movies without us being aware, all because of the costume. [If you watch the special features of Pan's Labyrinth, he actually says that Pan was the most comfortable suit he's worn yet..] So there you have it, Pan's Labyrinth. It's one of the best [if not the best] foreign horror/fantasy movies out there- the story is superb, the acting is well done, and Doug Jones plays not one, but two characters. [although one doesn't speak] If you're into horror/fantasy type movies, check this one out.. I promise you will not be disappointed.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Movie Review: AVENGERS [2012]


-Being as it broke all sorts of crazy records, I figured it was time to do an Avengers review!
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Although I want to assume, I want to let you guys know that as always this is a review and my thoughts on a movie [and being that it is on Avengers, it's gonna be have pictures from the actual film-] so expect spoilers! Now.. to begin, I'd like to point out that I didn't get to see the movie opening night as I originally had planned. I actually had to work- and holy shit was it ever busy.. out of 12 of our theaters playing the movie, 5 of them were playing Avengers [both having 3D, 2D & AVX] and 2 of those theaters were sold out for the rest of the day! [bear in mind that I mean 12 theater screens in one complex] Luckily, although I worked the next day as well, I was finished at 4pm- so naturally, Stephanie, her friend Jessica, and I went to see Avengers then! It was a late show [as stated before, the others were sold out] around 9:45, and there was a line already started.. we eventually got into the theater. .
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By the end of the movie, I was amazed. I couldn't help but find the movie was fantastic! Josh Whedon [the guy who wrote and directed Avengers] did a fantastic job writing let alone scripting the story. It tied all the superheroes together from their own respective movies which made me happy. [please note that this is going to sound bad, but I haven't seen Captain America yet.] There was a lot humor,

[this actually happens in the film!]
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there was a good story that was easy enough to follow, Loki was as beautiful as always,


and there was superb actors in it! [I always like me some Robert Downey Jr as well] But hold on- I wanna go back on that 'superb actors' part. Now, I'm not saying that he was a bad choice- as he actually won me over by the end of the film..But I was feeling off at first about Mr. Mark Ruffalo playing Bruce Banner/Hulk.

Don't get me wrong- he did win me over- just the first thought of him playing Banner really messed with my head. [Spoiler Alert! there is a part in the film where he's pretty much naked after changing into The Hulk for the first time- below!]
Ultimately, I'll conclude this review with planting the idea of telling you guys to go see it! It's really amazing, and I cannot stress enough [as a guy who reads Marvel comics] that it was really well put together! If you go see it however, stay after the credits- there are 2 extra scenes [the first of which actually lines up Thor2] .. I'll post a picture- but consider it a major spoiler! Anyone ever heard of Thanos? [pretty sure it was him- let us compare from movie to comic-]

[here's Thanos at the end of Avengers]
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[here's Thanos from the comics]
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[*Deep breath*- geek moment-] He's the guy who wants to steal The Infinity Gauntlet [he is seen wearing it in the picture above- the comic version] from The Armories in Asgard. If he succeeds, He can pretty well rule the galaxy- I want to assume he's going to team up with Loki in Thor2 and from there, attempt what he started in Avengers. But that's where I'll leave you- 1. go see Avengers, it's well worth it! 2. Make sure you see the credits! and 3. After going to see the movie [assuming you haven't already..], let me know who you think the army Loki had in the movie were. [I'm just hopeful that it's The Skrull]<- Here I go again, sounding more nerdy than I need to! Until my next post/review/rant, CHEERS.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Movie Review: Kick-Ass [2010]

Please note- before I officially begin this review, I'd like to point out that I will be in fact use pictures and GIFs from the movie in this review [so there are spoilers]: If you still wish to read the review, it is found below.

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ALSO! As I've stated before, I'm moving all my movie reviews over to this blog from Tumblr. This is one of the first reviews I actually ever did on a movie [or at least the first one I ever wrote- rather then explain out loud] The movie? It's Kick-Ass!
Posters Kick Ass

I actually really enjoy this movie- there's good actors, it's an amazing script [oddly enough, it's based off a comic book], and I can pretty much relate.
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Our story starts off with a voice over of a teenager [roughly 19 years old] explaining exactly that: ‘who wouldn’t want to be a superhero? We see it all the time in the movies? why not in real life?’ Dave [the teen main character who's voice we heard earlier] has two best friends, and together they always love going to the comic book store to look up on the new releases of Spider-Man & Hellboy [I mention Hellboy cause there is a comic poster showing Hellboy in the background of the comic store. Keep an eye open!] & one day, he mentions his thoughts on real live superheroes to his friends; who reluctantly shrug his idea off. Dave thinks otherwise, especially after they got mugged on the way home from the comic store and gave over their newly bought comics [either that or get killed..right?] so that night he goes on his Macbook to Amazon.ca [‘.ca’ cause the movie is Canadian.] and is looking at…Diving Gear? .After getting his delivery in the mail, Dave looks at his new diving gear and tries it on, and he looks exactly like a superhero!!
[okay, he looks 'pretty much' like a superhero- I take back that 'exactly' part.]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dave then heads to school, costume under his shirt and all- and he feels pretty damn good about himself. So while he’s walking home that day, Dave catches up to the two guys who mugged him and his friends earlier [took their comics, remember?] and proceeds to take his shirt off and become the superhero he always dreamed of being. He begins to talk tough to the two muggers [who by this point are trying to break into a car.] and the one mugger tells Dave that he’s clearly high based on his appearance. Dave denies being high, and talks harshly again to the muggers, who begin to get ready to attack. Dave starts out fighting well, although it’s clear as day that he is swinging too widely, and ultimately; gets stabbed..
It's from there that he's rushed to the hospital and he begged the ambulance driver to throw out his clothes- cause it'd be too embarrassing. This doesn't stop Dave though- in fact, it actually pushes him harder. This is where I'm actually going to end the review- I don't wanna ruin it too much, because it's a really good movie and you almost have to see it for yourself to understand the the whole story. ALSO! there is actually a gory scene! anyways, I strongly recommend it! Especially if you love superheroes, and/or always wanted to be one! [I was like that when I was younger- maybe this is why I enjoy this film so much?]
https://moviefilmreviews.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/nicolas-cage-in-kick-ass-001.jpg
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Did I mention Nicholas Cage is in Kick-Ass? ...with a creepy pedo 'stache?

Monday, April 30, 2012

Movie Review: Hatchet [2006]

Please note- before I officially begin this review, I'd like to point out that I will be in fact use pictures and GIFs from the movie in this review [so there are many spoilers]: If you still wish to read the review, it is found below. I just thought I'd clarify before I begin.

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Hatchet is one of those movies I like for many reasons. It’s a horror, Victor Crowley is a kick-ass villain ♥, It’s got some famous horror actors like Robert Englund [Freddy Krueger] and Kane Hodder [Jason Voorhees] and the movie over all has a lot of comedy to help move the story along. [What more could you possibly need?] Now, the one thing I like about Hatchet the most is that there is no CGI. So in other words, every kill scene [and there is a lot of them], every blood splatter, everything… is not computer generated. :)
http://i.imgur.com/BHUKu.gif
[See? Even Charlie Day agrees..and no one fucks with Charlie Day.]
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The plot of the movie is [as IMDB puts it]:
“When a group of tourists on a New Orleans haunted swamp tour find themselves stranded in the wilderness, their evening of fun and spooks turns into a horrific nightmare.”

Now, as stated before- There is absolutely no CGI in this movie. which no doubt makes a lot of horror fans happy. [this includes me] Let me explain why; by asking a question. Have you ever watched a horror movie, and found yourself to be very disappointed by the look of the monster/alien/bad guy in general? Have you ever been so disgusted by how terrible the Special Effects of a movie were- primarily because of said monster?

http://horrornews.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/sshark-356x500.jpg
[I'm looking at you- SUPERSHARK.]
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That's what some like to call: the bad CGI. Don't get me wrong- sometimes CGI can be used in a good way. It can help bring along a scene, or sometimes it's used to make a scene happen that otherwise would be deemed impossible. For the most part however, I actually despise CGI, [unless it's meant to poke fun] & yet movie makers still use their computers to make certain scenes. [although 3/4 times- it doesn't work to their advantage..] This is where Hatchet is completely different. Hatchet actually features NO CGI.. Like none at all. Hatchet is actually a campy fun film for horror fans, and I definitely recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it. I also want to point out that although it shares the same title- this particular Hatchet is not the same story you had to read in grade school. [Figured I'd clear that up- as some people have asked me that..]
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[See for yourself- This was all make up and props.. NO CGI]-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Now, there is also a Hatchet II that was released last year ago-ish, and unfortunately; I still haven't seen it. When I do however, I will write a review- because for those of us who HAVE seen Hatchet: The story is beautiful, the acting is plain awesome, and you can't go wrong when there is no CGI. [Until then, here's a small GIF from Hatchet II- below]

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Firework Eyes- Haunted Hearts news of the day: New movie review coming soon..

So I've been in a mood to write a new movie review ever since I finished my last one which was Human Centipede 2:Full Sequence [even though I wrote that one awhile ago!] However, my problem was [and pretty well- still is] that I couldn't decide on what movie to review. That's where you guys come in..
Below you will see a few movie posters and you get to choose which movie I do the review on! [if none of the movies I've posted are what you want reviewed, then leave me a comment here, or on the Facebook page on the movie you'd prefer]


Army Of Darkness
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A Nightmare On Elm Street [1984]
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A Nightmare On Elm Street [2010-Remake]
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Let The Right One In..
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I am planning on doing a review on each of these [plus many others] I just can't decide on which to do next.. So I'd love to hear your thoughts on which would be best to do first- Tell me here, or on Facebook !!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Movie Review: Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence [2011]

Please note- before I officially begin this review, I'd like to point out that I will be in fact use pictures and GIFs from the movie in this review [so there are many spoilers]; and as obvious as it may sound: they are for MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY! I need to point this out as the film itself is quite graphic and some parts [which will be mentioned in the review] made me cringe..I enjoy scary, gross movies, but at some points; I honestly was amazed I didn't just turn the movie off! If you still wish to read the review, it is found below. Just thought I'd clarify before I begin.
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As with the first Human Centipede movie, I was ever so skeptical about this movie as all I've been hearing about it from people is 'Oh God, don't watch it. It's about a million times worse!' or the more common response: 'Hell, it's your funeral; not mine..' [Thanks for that, guys.. glad to know you care. Only one friend actually suggested that I watch it.] But I saw it at HMV, and it was on sale.. okay, by on sale I mean $26. But facts remain the same, it was there..and I had to get it. [I'm one of those people who has to see EVERY movie in a series, I mean; I recently watched Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1- just because I saw the other 3.] I was originally intending to buy Pet Semetary [The 25th anniversary edition might I add], I eventually put that one down- grabbed Human Centipede 2 and booked it to the cash before I changed my mind. Sadly, as excited [not to mention fucking terrified] I was to watch it, I had to work that very night.. and until midnight none the less [I also refused to let Stephanie watch it before I saw it first, she hated the first and I warned her that the second seemed considerably worse.] I had no choice but to watch it the next morning- after Stephanie had left for work. I must have meant those words quite realistically because that's what I did: As soon as I heard the door to outside close, I popped the disk into the DVD player. I naturally skipped all the previews and trailers and jumped right to the menu, which made my heart pound hard out of my chest. Without thinking, I clicked play movie. [the official review starts after the dotted line. it will have MAJOR spoilers, and will involve graphic GIFs/pictures. You can now say you've been warned..]
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Immediately, we are shown that the movie is going to be filmed in black and white- which I didn't mind at all. However, the movie starts off with the exact ending of Human Centipede [the first one]and we notice that a dwarfish man, who we come to know as Martin [who is a lonely, disturbed security guard in London] has been watching watching the film on his laptop. As soon as the credits roll, he rewinds the movie back to the very beginning [which confused me, because you don't have to rewind DVDs I thought?] to watch the film again.. The only difference this time around, is he pulls out this huge binder: [as seen below.]




http://www.dreadcentral.com/img/news/sep11/hc2s.jpg



This binder is filled with things that Doctor Hieter from the first film had created- such as the idea of the gastronomical tract through 3 people [although Martin seems to have it up to 6- as seen in the drawing by his hand..] and as Martin re-watches the first film, he actually adds more to his book. It's then that we see Martin get distracted by the security tapes. He sees a man and his girlfriend in the parking garage which Martin works at, and he abruptly gets up with his crowbar.. After an argument with the man [known to us who watch with the subtitles as Ian], Martin beats him over the head with the crowbar, and then heads toward the woman. Eventually, the couple is knocked out [I mean, how could you NOT be knocked out after being beat over the head with a crowbar??] and their hands are duct taped together, and the woman is stripped down. To make a long story a hell of a lot shorter, Martin eventually has kidnapped 12 people !! [including a pregnant lady!] We also learn of his mother, who despises him pretty much, and tells him that it's his fault his father is in jail [although, during one scene we hear WHY: here's a hint: you hear Martin as a baby crying; and an older -more likely father- figure saying 'Stop them tears, you're only making Daddy's willy harder..'] <- I'm pretty sure Martin's fucked up fantasies come from a) The first film and his fetishes toward it. and b) He was sexually abused by his father when he was younger. Anyway, back to Martin's mother. We see her enlist the help of a psychiatrist- Doctor Sebring, who doesn't really help [he certainly scared Martin, as we see the doc rub his leg...] and when she finds Martin's book, she rips it to shreds, completely upset at him.. to which Martin goes berserk- killing his mother. [as seen below:]

Killing his mother left him to go full board with his operation: making the 12 person human centipede! However, there are a few things you still need to remember and put into context first-


1. Doctor Hieter from Human Centipede1 was a doctor. Martin is just a lonely security guard.


2. Doctor Hieter technically knew what he was doing since he was a professional in separating twins, Martin only has what he heard Hieter say while he was watching the first film.

3. Hieter has medical tools, and anesthesia, Martin has a hammer, and a staple gun.

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This leaves us to pretty well assume Martin's operation is going to be pretty different compared to Hieter's in the sense that at least Hieter may have made a cleaner job of the operation due to being an actual doctor..



[...Yep. 'pretty different' then the Hieter's operation indeed..]


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Remember how I said there were parts even I couldn't watch? This was one of them. Obviously, as it's a GIF, you can't tell; but during this scene you could actually hear the teeth being hit [sounded pretty damn convincing to me] and not to mention you hear the guy choking on his own bile and blood. As I've mentioned before, I'm usually really good at watching these kind of scenes, but the realism of this one just got to me. The realism in this movie is so intense that when we see Martin cutting the tenants in the knee on his victims [yes, you see this full force- too bad I can't find a GIF] I actually bit my lip until it bled. Finally, when all is said and done- this is the result:





It seems that the operation worked as planned, and he actually managed to get 12 people stapled together [rather than sewn like in the first film]. He then begins doing pretty well what Hieter did with the whole food in a bowl- trying to feed his new 'pet' [I'm pretty sure the can that he put in the bowl said soup..] When the girl at the front of the centipede, Ms. Yennie [as in Jenny from the first film- remember? she was the one in the middle who lived at the end of the first film- below:]

[Yeeeah.. that girl! Remember her?]



tosses the bowl of soup Martin was trying to feed her off into the distance out of being upset at the situation at hand.. However, Martin kind of gets upset- yet, he smiles...



[All those in favor of never wanting to see this smile again?]



He seems to randomly have a funnel and a tube at his disposal,, and shoves it down Ms. Yennie's throat. he then pours the remaining soup down- forcing it into her system. When she finally finishes it, Martin once again decides to 'one up' Doctor Hieter. Does anyone remember the part during the original Human Centipede where Doctor Hieter waits for that special moment when the Asian man [I forget his name...] has to take a shit?





Well, Martin is sadly; not all that patient. We actually see him with a syringe and [although if you carefully enough, it said 'oral use only'] he actually injects Ms. Yennie with a laxative! It turns out, that he ends up injecting each of the 12 people, probably waiting on an explosive result.. which ultimately- he gets. We hear all sorts of sounds coming from the people and we see all the details of the shit.. Now, I'd like to say that by this point in the film, I thought I had seen the climax-I thought this was as insane as it was going to get.. However, I was seriously wrong. Although happy with his 'creation', and although he got what he wanted- [the people shitting everywhere] The very worst [in my ever so humble opinion.] was what came next. After everyone is freaking out from their massive diarrhea problems, Martin actually walks over to the end of the centipede, and actually rapes the girl who is the final part of the centipede! Of course, it has to go when step further when we realize Martin cannot maintain an erection- so naturally he ties his penis with nothing less than a piece of barbed wire..[words cannot describe how happy I am that I can't find a picture on Google of this scene] He then begins to violently rape the end of the centipede, to the point that the whole screen is shaking. When he's finally done though, the walks away from his 12 person creation, and not even 5 seconds later, one of the guys [who was stapled in the middle of the centipede] rips himself off from the others, leaving the guy he was attached to [not to mention his mouth] all bloodied up. One of the final scenes that we see, is Ms. Yennie grab the funnel, and actually stab in into Martin's ass- and throw an actual centipede into the funnel..leaving Martin to die.. Abruptly, the screen flashes- and we see Martin sitting in the room from the beginning; watching The Human Centipede. [we're left to understand this whole idea was all in his mind..]
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Now, obviously there are scenes I didn't think of until after this review was finished and was proof read such as Martin killing the psychiatrist while he has sex with a prostitute in the back of a car, or the fact that the pregnant woman Martin kidnapped had actually given birth all over the floor, and she crushed this not even 2 hour old baby, under the gas pedal of a car she took trying to escape. But, at least you know these scenes exist. [yeah, it's pretty fucking crazy..] As for my opinion of the movie, I thought for what it was- it was pretty damn good. I mean, as I'm sure you know by now- I am a movie buff, one who if he starts a series of movies: I feel compelled to finish the series. So since I saw the first Human Centipede which I was kind of disappointed with [considering like so many, I expected to see what we saw in Human Centipede 2] but after looking up interviews with Tom Six [the writer/directer of both Human Centipede1 and 2] I now understand that the first film was to be more psychological, rather than the second being more 'I want to see the gore, the violence and all that is shitty.' I also found out that apparently, there is to be a 3rd film coming next- Human Centipede 3: The Final Sequence. Lastly, I'd like to put a shout out to Tom Six: you told us you'd shock us, making the first film look like Disney Land- I can personally say, you did what you said you were going to do; making some hardcore horror fans like myself cringe in our very skin..